When you don’t conform to conventional cis-het milestones then sometimes others (particularly parents) can keep thinking of you as a child, even when you’re a fully-fledged grown up. This feels very unfair and got me thinking what some alternative adulting milestones might be. Some of the things on this list are silly, some serious, and it’s definitely not definitive. Maybe adulting looks completely different to you and the last thing the world needs right now is another version of a ‘40 before 40’ list to make you feel inadequate.
1. You can no longer get away with having a penguin and a vat of coffee for lunch (and frankly you no longer want to)
The *coughs* unconventional lifestyle habits you used to get away with in your teens and early 20s are now a source of fascination – how did you sleep in a bath tub, drink that much alcohol, then drink that much coffee, then eat that little protein *but* still feel like a vaguely functioning member of society? Alternative adulting milestone number 1 means you’ve at least started grasping the nettle of ‘boring self-care’, or you feel the swift and significant consequences when you don’t. Weirdly, you’re finding you kind of prefer yourself rested and regulated. Leading us to…
2. You no longer glamourise self-destruction (and Buffalo 66 is no longer your favourite film)
If it sounds like I’m talking from experience on this one, it’s because I definitely am. The shine has started to tarnish on any self-destruction/drama/tortured artist tropes you used to hold and you’ve started to find them…boring?! There might be some stuff you need to get help with, but the crucial bit is you’ve realised that whatever is going on is no longer ‘fuelling your art’, it’s stopping you from making it.
3. You identify with the grown-ups in films
Speaking of films (kind of), watching films hits differently as an adult. Children’s films can be vulnerable and melancholy in a way they never were before, Christmas films are an absolute minefield and you’ve started to empathise more with film’s long-suffering parents than the troubled teens. I remember having an existential crisis when I watched Empire Records and realised I was now more Joe than Lucas (or some weird Corey/Gina hybrid). It gets better.
4. You love what you love
‘you’re, like, the coolest person I’ve ever met, and you don’t even have to try, you know…
‘I try really hard, actually.’
Juno
At some point (and you’re not really sure when) you stopped giving a fig about what other people think of your hobbies and interests and if they’re ‘cool’ or not. This one can be particularly liberating for neurodivergent folks. Trains? Board games? Jigsaws? The garden centre? Give me them all and put them in a wheelbarrow marked ‘The liberating potential of geeking out as an adult’.
5. People trust you to keep their stuff alive
You might have your own child, you might have your own pet. But if you don’t, you’re now someone people might ask to pet sit or childmind in their absence because you’re an adult and you’re the kind of person other people trust to keep things they love alive. You might not have worked your way up to keeping house plants healthy, but that’s boss level.
6. All the bands you like are dad rock now (or mum rock*)
The only time you can hear music you like in a club is a retro-nights (and staying up late enough to manage those feels like a herculean effort). An 11 o’clock curfew feels like a gift rather than your party being cut short. The local ‘old man pub band’ are now murdering favourites from your youth. Welcome to alternative adulting marker number 6. You’re in too deep (and tryin’ to keep. Up above in your head, instead of going under).
7. You know yourself pretty well and (most of the time) you like yourself
Being an adult absolutely isn’t about being perfect or having all your stuff together all of the time. We never grow out of being messy, imperfect humans. But maybe by now you’ve started to get a better handle on yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, what presses your buttons, what you need and what makes you happy (even if these things change and evolve over time). There might still be things about yourself you’re less than fond of, but in the grand scheme of things you think you’re all right and you don’t hate being in your own company.
If more support navigating adulthood would be helpful, get in touch to book a free 20-minute introductory meeting to see if we’d be a good fit to work together.
*if that isn’t a thing it should totally be a thing
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